Why Do Victims Stay?

Many people, including victims themselves, may ask, "Why would someone stay in a violent relationship?" Here are some examples of barriers victims face when they consider leaving a violent relationship.

• Fear: "I fear my abuser will just continue to find me." Women are at a 75% higher risk of being killed by their abuser then those who stay.
• Economic dependence: "Who will support me and the children?"
• Parenting: "The children need both parents."
• Religion/Culture: "You get married, for better and for worse."
• Loyalty: "They're sick. If he had a broken leg, or cancer, I would stay with him: this is no different."
• Savior complex: "If I stay, I can help them get better."
• Pity: "I feel sorry for him."
• Fear of his suicide: "He says he'll kill himself if I leave."
• Denial: "It's really not that bad."
• Guilt: "This is all my fault."
• Responsibility: " I have to save our marriage."
• Shame/Embarrassment/Humiliation: "No one can know."
• Identity/Security: Many women feel that they need a man to be complete.
• Optimism: "Things will get better."
• Low self-esteem: "It must be my fault. I must deserve it. I will never find anyone better. A little love is better than no love."
• Community Resources: Resources for victims may not be well known to victims. "Where will I go?"
• Isolation: "There's no one around here to help me."
• Normal behavior: "It's all I know." If a victim was raised in a violent home or has lived years of abuse, she may find the behavior to be normal.