Talking to Your Children

If you are the parent of a child who has experienced domestic violence:

• Allow your children to talk about their feelings. They are usually aware of the violence and may be feeling scared or responsible for what's been happening.
• Tell your children the truth about what occurred. Answer their questions honestly, but in a way that's appropriate for their ages.
• Let your kids know that it is the abuser's behavior that is not acceptable, but it is okay to love or miss him. Acknowledge the abuse and acknowledge the loss they may be experiencing.
• Do not discuss with others the specifics of the situation or your feelings about your partner in front of the children. Have adult discussions only with other adults.
• It is okay to be sad or cry in front of your children. This lets them know that feelings are normal and gives them permission to express their own.
• Teach your children to call 911 and what to say to the dispatcher. Talk to them about how they can make the call more safely.
• Talk with your children about a "safety plan" for themselves and what to do if there is fighting. They could leave the room or the house, go to a neighbor or a friend, or call somebody on the phone.
• If you are not living with your children's other parent but there are visitations, have the visitation exchanges happen as smoothly as possible, such as in a public place or through a third person. Do not have the kids be messengers. Discuss safety options for them when they are visiting the abusive parent.